Please, let me fuck your mom
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
