If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
