Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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