i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
