I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
