The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
