i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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