Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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