Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
