hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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