I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Randomize
