so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
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I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
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BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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