turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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