I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
