I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
