You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
