Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
