Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
