totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
