Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Randomize
