Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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