he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?