but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
