Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he was CRYING into my vagina
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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