there's paper in my vomit.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"