You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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