Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(507): View more from Minnesota

You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone

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(507): You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone http://tfl.nu/s3uu

Replies (7) Good night (5316) Bad night (647)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.

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(403): Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me. http://tfl.nu/6qnx

Replies (23) Good night (11547) Bad night (1364)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.

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(865): Now go wash the fat girl off your hands. http://tfl.nu/sym9

Replies (17) Good night (1216) Bad night (4432)
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(415): View more from California

they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..

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(415): they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car.. http://tfl.nu/4cqo

Replies (11) Good night (3405) Bad night (1056)
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(703): View more from Virginia

So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)

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(703): So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:) http://tfl.nu/uwez

Replies (7) Good night (2076) Bad night (941)
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(916): View more from California

It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.

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(916): It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie. http://tfl.nu/mir1

Replies (12) Good night (1894) Bad night (790)
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(239): View more from Florida

Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.

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(239): Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day. http://tfl.nu/tiwu

Replies (6) Good night (1103) Bad night (679)
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(425): View more from Washington

I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?

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(425): I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right? http://tfl.nu/i5oh

Replies (1) Good night (1193) Bad night (451)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks

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(603): Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks http://tfl.nu/ddr9

Replies (10) Good night (496) Bad night (720)
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(775): View more from Nevada

You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal

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(775): You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal http://tfl.nu/airp

Replies (3) Good night (772) Bad night (388)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.

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(423): I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT. http://tfl.nu/s23s

Replies (3) Good night (825) Bad night (378)
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(434): View more from Virginia

I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night

(434): View more from Virginia

then apparently I went "not bad" and continued

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(434): I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night (434): then apparently I went "not bad" and continued http://tfl.nu/4s21

Replies (0) Good night (670) Bad night (417)
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(480): View more from Arizona

Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"

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(480): Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!" http://tfl.nu/823i

Replies (0) Good night (472) Bad night (298)
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(913): View more from Kansas

My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.

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(913): My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention. http://tfl.nu/nejz

Replies (0) Good night (500) Bad night (225)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.

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(423): Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx. http://tfl.nu/k6s4

Replies (6) Good night (615) Bad night (194)

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