Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus