Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.