who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
