$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
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Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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