I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
