i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
