So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
