I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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