woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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