I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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