everyone is single if you try hard enough
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
