the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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