I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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