After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
