I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
