if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
