So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
