Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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