there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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