My hand turned me down
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
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He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.