Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
