What did we do last night that was yellow?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
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I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!