Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

My hand turned me down

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(404): View more from Georgia

In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.

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(513): View more from Ohio

The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(231): View more from Michigan

I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you

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(281): View more from Texas

Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.

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(231): View more from Michigan

You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.

(248): View more from Michigan

What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?

(816): View more from Missouri

Honestly that's best case scenario.

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