I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.