how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i dont even know how to be here
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life