Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob. http://tfl.nu/q7jj
  Replies (25) Good night (605) Bad night (4288)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it. http://tfl.nu/ct5c
  Replies (8) Good night (4412) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words... http://tfl.nu/0249
  Replies (108) Good night (1144) Bad night (5768)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german.. http://tfl.nu/y195
  Replies (32) Good night (5586) Bad night (784)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer. http://tfl.nu/u1k3
  Replies (17) Good night (9590) Bad night (1246)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"... http://tfl.nu/s1bt
  Replies (13) Good night (777) Bad night (4086)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner http://tfl.nu/v9ac
  Replies (9) Good night (6139) Bad night (886)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him. http://tfl.nu/rbp8
  Replies (13) Good night (4853) Bad night (1090)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me. http://tfl.nu/o6eb
  Replies (6) Good night (2752) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves

  (806): View more from Texas

  That's not technology. Doesn't count.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves (806): That's not technology. Doesn't count. http://tfl.nu/x0wz
  Replies (3) Good night (1612) Bad night (699)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out. http://tfl.nu/88jd
  Replies (10) Good night (1905) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep http://tfl.nu/wopt
  Replies (3) Good night (864) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): 'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear http://tfl.nu/1b4e
  Replies (5) Good night (1304) Bad night (772)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident http://tfl.nu/o3n7
  Replies (8) Good night (460) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?

  (972): View more from Texas

  This is why american education is failing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover? (972): This is why american education is failing http://tfl.nu/dkmi
  Replies (4) Good night (567) Bad night (248)

Randomize