turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT