And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
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Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
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I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening