The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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