This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
