i just wanna soil my oats bro
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
