You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I want a musical about memes.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
