I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
