Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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