he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
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As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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