You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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