Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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