I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
