whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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