I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
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