.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I intend to get homeless drunk
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
