He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
