Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
