just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
