I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
