I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
