i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How does it feel to date your dad?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
