I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So much rum. So many feels.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
