It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
