Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
