Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Terrible idea I love it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
