I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
