I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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