I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
