i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
