Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
